Mourn What Can Never Be, Live What Still Can Be
by gothraven89
Summary: On his day off, Steve finds himself looking after Grace. An innocently asked question has Steve revealing one of his darkest secrets to Grace. Later on it's Danny who decides to fix what's broken.Steve/Danny slash.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own anything Hawaii Five-0, it is all the property of CBS and whoever else owns the rights to the show. I am not making any profits of any kind from this work.

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Mourn What Can Never Be, Live What Still Can Be

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Chapter 1

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Out of all the possible scenarios that had gone through Steve McGarrett's head in regards to how he was going to spend his day off, building a sand castle had never once entered his mind. Steve thought that he would maybe go for a long swim, continue with his renovations on the house, or maybe even head up to the mountains for some hiking and cross-country running, but building a sand-castle had never entered his mind even once.

And yet, here he was kneeling on the sun-warmed sand of the beach behind his house doing exactly that, building a sand castle. Actually, he was currently building one of the towers of said castle. Sitting across from Steve was the one who suggested building a sand castle in the first place. Eight year old Grace Williams was currently filling up her small pail with soft sand in order to add another part of the castle.

Dressed in a flowing light blue sundress and with her honey-brown locks done-up into her signature pig-tails, Grace look positively radiant as she used her bright red mini-shovel to fill her pail with sand.

Just a couple hours earlier, Steve had found himself being charged with looking after Grace when his partner, Danny Williams had shown up out of the blue at his doorstep with his young daughter in tow looking more disgruntled than he normally did. Danny had explained to Steve that Rachel and Stan, Grace's mother and stepfather had gone out of town for the weekend on a business trip leaving Grace with him. This morning Danny had gotten a phone call from his doctor asking him to come in ASAP for his follow-up exam of his knee that he injured a while back. The appointment had been scheduled for the following week, but something had come up, forcing a rescheduling. Danny had been all for refusing the appointment and putting it off, but Grace had been the one to convince him to go and make sure that everything was alright.

Steve had only been a little peeved by the sudden baby-sitting duties his partner had strapped him with, but one smile from Grace had Steve forgetting all about that. After Steve had agreed to look after Grace, Danny had thanked him profusely, hugged and kissed his 'Monkey' goodbye before he had sped off in his silver Camaro to keep his appointment. After that, Steve had seen to Grace's every need and request. Within the span of a few minutes the little girl had Steve wrapped around her fingers. Now the pair were outside enjoying the bright afternoon sun, the calm waters that lapped at the shore, and the warm sand that was perfect for building.

" This is gonna be the best sand castle ever, right Uncle Steve?" Asked Grace as she looked up and grinned at her castle building partner.

Steve smiled back, feeling a small warmth blossom inside him when he heard Grace call him 'Uncle Steve'.

" You bet it will Gracie." With a bright grin of his own, Steve went back to working on the tower he had been building with renewed vigor.

_Half and hour later..._

Steve and Grace stood back to admire their newly finished sand castle. In all honestly Steve thought the thing looked more like a lopsided beehive with stuff sticking out of it, but he didn't voice his thoughts because Grace was absolutely beaming. Smiling, Steve spoke.

" Hey Gracie, how bout we go inside and have lunch?"

Grace looked up at Steve and spoke.

" Can we have peanut butter and jelly sandwiches please?

Steve's smile widened as he held out his hand for Grace to take, which she immediately did.

" Sure thing Gracie."

The pair walked up the beach back towards the house hand in hand, seemingly without a care in the world.

As they walked, Grace looked up at Steve and spoke. " Hey Uncle Steve?"

Steve looked down to meet Grace's imploring gaze." Yeah Gracie?"

" Can I help you make the sandwiches?"

" Of course Sweetie. I'll also need your help making some lemonade too."

" Awesome!"

Steve chuckled as a beaming Grace bounced up and down the rest of the way to the house. Once inside the pair headed straight to the kitchen to get started on making lunch. Steve got the necessary items from his fridge and together he and Grace made what Grace dubbed " the greatest PB & J on the entire island of Hawaii". When it can time to making the lemonade, Steve took over all the cutting and had a blast watching the hilarious faces Grace made in her efforts to squeeze as much juice out of the lemon as she could for her glass. Twenty minutes later the pair were back outside enjoying lunch on Steve's back porch.

Steve smiled as he watched Grace all but inhale her sandwich and lemonade. Steve prided himself on being able to do a whole lot of things because of his training as a Navy Seal, but he felt a different kind of pride as he sat across from Grace and watched her enjoy her lunch. It was a strange but not unpleasant feeling to know that he could make a simple peanut butter and jelly sandwich a little kid could like.

Steve and Grace enjoyed lunch with Grace talking about everything from her Danno to what was happening at school, all to the great amusement of Steve. Steve actually laughed out loud when Grace regaled him with tales of how she had convinced her Danno to play tea-party with her that one day back in Jersey.

After they had eaten their lunches, Grace had helped Steve wash all the dishes at her own insistence before the pair headed back outside. This time the pair quietly stood side by side ankle-deep in the water that lapped lazily at the sand.

It was here that Grace turned to her Uncle Steve and spoke.

" Uncle Steve, can I ask you something?"

Steve turned to face Grace with a smile and spoke.

" Of course Gracie, ask away?"

Grace hesitated for a moment before she voiced her question.

" How come you don't have kids yet?"

Although Steve managed to keep smiling at Grace as she said this, inside he felt his heart freeze dead inside his chest as nightmarish memories from the past immediately rose up front and center in his mind. Years a training saved Steve from crumbling right then and there in front of Grace as Steve forced himself to speak.

" I guess with me, it just wasn't meant to be." He said simply.

Grace's brow knotted in confusion before she spoke.

" What do you mean Uncle Steve?"

Taking a moment to decide just what he was going to tell Grace, Steve began to explain.

" You know Gracie, a long time ago I was with this girl and we found out one day that we were actually gonna have a baby together." He began.

Steve felt a sharp twinge in his heart as he watched Grace's face light up in wonder.

" Really Uncle Steve?"

Steve nodded mutely, and Grace seem to catch on that something was not quite right as her smile dimmed and she spoke softly.

" What happened to your baby Uncle Steve?"

Steve looked away for an eternally long second, his eyes gazing at the calm blue waters of the ocean before he took a deep breath and answered Grace.

" My baby died Gracie. He died before he could be born."

Steve turned and looked down when he heard Grace's soft gasp. The little girl's face was a mask of horror and incomprehension as she all but gawked up at him.

Steve felt a tell-tale burning sensation start behind his eyes, but he stubbornly held it all back as he continued to speak, kneeling down onto the sand so that he was at eye-level with Grace.

" I never got to hold him or see if he looked anything like me. He doesn't even have a name." Said Steve before he averted his gaze to the sand and continued.

" I never got a chance to see if I could even be a little bit like your Danno."

No sooner had Steve uttered these words, he was being tackled into a surprisingly strong hug by a tearful Grace. Steve immediately wrapped his arms around Grace's small frame and firmly hugged her back.

" I'm sorry Gracie, 'm sorry." Steve whispered into the little girl's ear.

Grace tightened her already vice-like hold around Steve's neck as she sniffled a couple of times before she spoke against Steve's shoulder.

" Why are you sorry Uncle Steve?" She asked. " You didn't do anything wrong."

" I made you cry Sweetie." Replied Steve. " I shouldn't have done that."

Grace drew back a little so that she could look at Steve. She had big fat tears streaming from her big, chocolate brown eyes, and the sight made Steve want to sink into the ground. Steve was kicking himself for revealing one of the darkest secrets of his entire life, but she had asked him, and he hadn't wanted to lie to Grace either. At least he had not revealed to Grace the full, horrifying details of just how he had lost his unborn child.

" It's okay Uncle Steve, you don't have to say sorry." Assured Grace before she started sobbing. " It's not fair Uncle Steve."

" What's not fair Gracie?" Asked Steve.

" You should've gotten to be like Danno too." Whispered Grace before she completely dissolved into tears.

Steve immediately pulled Grace back to him and held her tight. He swiftly rose to his feet, taking Grace with him. As he stood with Grace held tightly in his arms, a soft ocean breeze picked up and gentle swirled around the two of them.

" I know Gracie, I know it's not fair, but it's just the way things are for me." Sighed Steve against Grace's hair. " But I'm okay though, I'm okay."

" How are you okay Uncle Steve?" Asked Grace, her voice muffled against Steve's shoulder. " Your heart's gotta be broken."

Steve screwed his eyes tightly shut and used sheer will to keep himself from falling part right then and there. Letting out a slow, shaky breath Steve spoke.

" You're right Grace, it is broken." Admitted Steve. " But I'm okay now, I'm fixing it as I go."

" Does it still hurt?" Asked Grace.

" Yeah, it still hurts a lot, but I try not to think about it." Said Steve.

" How are you fixing it Uncle Steve?" Asked Grace. " Cause I wanna help."

Steve let out a soft, cracked chuckle as he gave Grace a light pat on the back and spoke.

" You already have helped me a lot Gracie." He smiled.

" What do you mean Uncle Steve?" Asked Grace as she drew back and eyed Steve in tearful confusion. " How did I already help? I didn't do anything."

" That's not true Gracie, you've done a lot just by being in my life." Explained Steve with a smile. " I never talked to anyone about my baby, you're the first person I've ever told."

" Really?" Asked Grace with a small sniffle as she wiped at her wet cheeks.

" Yes Gracie, really." Said Steve. " And I feel so much better because I told you instead of anyone else."

It warmed Steve beyond words when Grace's lips turned upwards into a small, watery smile before she lunged forward and hugged him once more.

Steve naturally hugged her back, and the pair drifted off into silence save for the occasional sniffle from Grace. It was Grace who finally broke the silence.

" Uncle Steve?" She asked.

" Yeah Gracie?" Replied Steve.

" I think you would've been a great daddy, just like Danno." Grace said softly into Steve's ear.

That just about did Steve in as his face crumbled and his breath hitched. But true to his nature, Steve refused to allow himself to break into a million peaces. Instead, Steve took in a deep, rattling breath before he spoke.

" Thank you for saying that Gracie." He said softly. " I'm glad that at least you think so."

" What do you mean Uncle Steve?" Asked Grace.

" Nothing Gracie, forget I said it." Deflected Steve.

Steve felt Grace nod silently against his shoulder and the pair once again drifted into silence. They stayed that way for a long while after that, with Steve standing before the calm blue ocean water with Grace held tightly in his arms. But as he stared out into the water, Steve felt like he was being shredded inside as a single tear escaped from his eye and carved a glistening trail down his cheek before it dripped off his jaw. Steve quickly forced down anymore tears from breaking through before he drew back so that he and Grace were eye to eye as he spoke.

" Hey now, no more crying Gracie." Said Steve with a warm smile before he continued. " You're Danno'll kill me if he sees that I upset you like this."

Grace still looked at Steve with sadness as she made a valiant effort to regain her composure, but it wasn't working at all. Deciding to switch tactics, Steve's smile turned into a mischievous little smirk as he spoke.

" Well Gracie, I gotta let you know that my arms are starting to get tired here." Said Steve as he began stepping closer and closer towards the water.

" I don't know if I can hold you up much longer..." Steve trailed off as he deliberately loosened his hold around Grace to emphasize his words.

Grace's eye grew wide and a smile started curling up the corners of her lips as she caught on to what Steve was doing.

" Oh no!... You're getting too heavy Gracie... I might just... I MIGHT JUST DROP YOU RIGHT IN!" Shouted Steven as he lowered Grace til the tips of her feet hit the surface of the water.

Grace let out a loud squeal of delight as she clung to her Uncle Steve and began to giggle.

" You're being naughty Uncle Steve, Danno's gonna kick your butt cause he said I wasn't supposed to go swimming."

" Well Danno's only gonna know that if you tell him." Grinned Steve. " So don't squeal on me Gracie, cause I don't wanna die."

" But your supposed to be the Super Seal Uncle Steve." Challenged Grace, laughing as Steve gently swung her around over the water.

" Yeah, I am." Chuckled Steven. " But that's only when I'm working. Today's my day off, and I really don't wanna be at the end of another one of your Danno's loud rants today."

" Yeah, me neither." Agreed Grace before she let out another squeal of delight when Steve fake dropped her again before swinging her round and round.

The pairs laughter was soon filling the calm Hawaiian air and the despair from before faded away, if only temporarily.

_About half an hour later..._

Danny Williams smiled as he smoothly pulled his camaro into Steve's driveway. His doctor's appointment, though jarring and out of the blue, had gone off without a hitch. The exam showed that Danny's knee had healed up just fine. As he turned off the ignition at got out of the car, Danny's mind quickly went from doctors and busted knee to his Monkey, who he was going to be reunited with momentarily. As he walked up to the front door of Steve's house, Danny had to smile as he wondered just what kind of antics his baby girl and his best friend got up to while he was at the doctor's. Danny fished out the house key Steve had given him a while back from out of one of his jeans pockets. Once he was at the door though, Danny decided to test the knob to see if he needed the key. Danny smiled when he found the door to be soundly locked. It pleased Danny to no end to know that despite all of Steve's recklessness, when it came down to it, Steve knew when a certain amount of responsibility and security were necessary, like today with Grace staying with him.

Danny used the key to unlock the door and let himself into his partner's house.

The first thing Danny noticed was how quiet things were, which said something considering how his Grace could be a real ball of energy most days. But on top of the silence, there was this air of calmness over the house that served to appease Danny's instincts at a cop. As far as he could tell nothing was wrong, but he still hadn't caught sight of his daughter or his partner. Danny made his way further into the house as he continued to look for Grace and Steve.

When he still couldn't catch sight of them, Danny had it in mind to call out for Steve and Grace but then he turned a corner that led into the den. The sight that greeted Danny had him stopping dead in his tracks.

There laying on her front on one of the plush looking sofas was Grace. She was completely conked out with a light blanket covering her lower half. Sitting on the floor with his back propped up against the edge of the sofa was an equally conked out Steve. The man's head fell back to rest on the same pillow as Grace's, and the little girl had an arm loosely wrapped around Steve's neck so that her small hand came to rest on the center of the man's chest, right over the spot where his heart was. They made a perfect picture of bliss, and it had a bright grin slowly spreading across Danny's face.

As quietly as he could, Danny stepped into the den and made his way over to the pair. Once he was just a few feet away, Danny pulled out his iphone and pressed the camera app. Danny then held out the camera at arms length and adjusted accordingly to get the right shot of his baby girl and his best friend. Danny's smile widened as he took several pictures with his phone.

It was a very cute scene, and could be used for future blackmail material against his 'tough-guy' best friend. Danny took a final shot before he put his phone away and reached out towards Grace. Gently placing his hand over Grace's back, Danny gave his daughter a light shake to rouse her from her slumber.

" Mmph." Groaned Grace as she stirred beneath her father's hand.

Grace's eyes fluttered open and blinked away the remnants of sleep. When her vision cleared, she was greeted by the smiling face of her Danno. Grace's face broke out into a wide grin, and she was just about to yell when Danny gently stopped her.

" Hold on Grace, let's stave off on the yelling until we wake up your Uncle Steve." Smiled Danny before he and Grace turned their attention to Steve, who surprisingly was still asleep.

Danny knew Steve to be a light sleeper who could wake up to the sound of a paperclip falling to the floor, he'd seen it happen at the office a few times himself. Now Danny felt a small level of smugness at knowing that all he had to do was get Grace involved, and his best friend's honed, Super-Seal senses get dulled to the point of uselessness. With a smile, Danny leaned in close till his face was just a few inches away from Steve's before he spoke.

" Hey Steven." He said lowly.

No response, Steve didn't even twitch. Grace sat back and watched, wondering what her Danno was up to. Danny leaned in a little further and spoke again.

" Oh Sleepy Beau-" He began to say in a sing-song voice, but before he could finish that last word, Danny let out a loud yelp as it felt like an iron bear trap clamped down on his entire head. Next thing he knew, Danny found himself trapped in a firm head-lock by his smiling, wide-awake best friend.

Grace gasped when she saw Steve lash out with lighten fast precision and grab her father, but seconds later she was laughing along with a chuckling Steve as Danny floundered about in a vain attempt to free himself from Steve's unyielding but surprisingly gentle hold.

" Okay, okay I give." Said Danny flatly as he tapped at Steve's forearm. " Lemme go ya caveman."

" I dunno Danno." Smirked Steve before he looked to Grace. " Should I make him sweat a little more Gracie?"

Danny looked up and smiled brightly at Grace, who in turn shook her head.

"Let my Danno go Uncle Steve." Smiled Grace before she did her best puppy-eyed face. " Please."

" You're using your cuteness against me." Sighed Steve with exaggerated despair before he grinned widely. " As you wish."

Steve then promptly unwrapped his arm from around Danny and let his partner fall to the floor beside him with a light thud.

" Oww, not cool man." Grumbled Danny before he turned his attention to his Grace. " Thanks for the save Monkey."

Danny then held out his arms and Grace immediately jumped into them for one of her father's bear-hugs. Steve sat back against the edge of the sofa a smiled at the sight, all the while feeling a dull twinge in his own heart as he again remembered his own loss. But Steve quickly pushed those dark thoughts to the back of his mind as he focused on finding out how Danny's doctor's appointment had gone. More amusing antics and bickering followed as Danny regaled him with how the appointment went. Then Grace jumped in and started telling Danny everything she and Steve had done during the afternoon, though she thankfully left out Steve's painful confession about his past.

Twenty minutes later, Grace and Danny were waving goodbye to Steve and speeding off back to Danny's apartment in the Jersey detective's silver camaro.

A little while later Danny was pulling into the parking lot of his apartment complex, but as he was parking the car, Danny noticed that his daughter, who was usually a chatter box, and grown uncharacteristically silent as she sat in the backseat and stared out the window.

" Hey Monkey, what's wrong?" Asked Danny as he looked up at the rear-view mirror to eye his daughter. " Why so quiet all of a sudden?"

Danny was expecting maybe a glum reply that she missed her Uncle Steve already. What Danny didn't expect was to see Grace's big brown eyes suddenly fill with tears as her bottom lip began to tremble.

" Danno." She blubbered softly.

In an instant Danny was out of the driver's seat and all but ripping the back passenger door of the camaro open to get to his very upset daughter. The moment Danny undid Grace's seat-belt, the eight year old was launching herself into her confused and concerned father's arms and holding onto him for what seemed to be dear life.

" Hey Monkey, what's wrong?" Asked Danny urgently as he stood up with his daughter in his arms. " C'mon tell me, please."

The only response Danny got was Grace's soft sob against his neck. Seeing that Grace was just too upset to talk at the moment, Danny snatched up her backpack from the back seat with some practiced parental skill before he shut the car door and quickly headed for his apartment, thankful that it was located on the ground floor. Without setting Grace on the ground, Danny held his daughter and her backpack in one hand while he quickly fished out his house keys from his pocket with the other. Danny then used the keys to get the door to his apartment open before he hurried inside with Grace.

Once inside Danny shut the door with his foot before he haphazardly dropped Grace's backpack on the floor and focused his sole attention of consoling his daughter.

Grace was distraught for several long minutes, and Danny knew better than to get her to talk, so he just held her and waited for her to calm down on her own. When Grace made a final hitched breath, Danny decided to test the waters.

" Monkey?" He asked softly against Grace's hair.

" Y-Yeah?" Replied Grace, her voice muffled against her father's shoulder.

" Are you okay now baby?" Asked Danny. " Can you tell me what's got you so upset?"

Grace sniffled softly before she finally drew back and met her father's concerned gaze as she spoke.

" It's Uncle Steve." She said softly.

" What about Uncle Steve?" Asked Danny instantly.

" I made him really, really sad Danno." Answered Grace as a few tears escaped from her weepy brown eyes.

" Hey, c'mon Monkey." Said Danny as he reached out and wiped at his daughter's wet cheeks with his hand. " What do you mean yo made him really, really sad?"

" We were just sitting by the water and I asked him why he wasn't a daddy yet." Said Grace softly.

Danny instantly felt his heart freeze inside his chest while a loud roaring filled his ears as he stared at his tearful daughter.

" You asked him that?" Asked Danny softly. Grace nodded mutely. " What... What did Uncle Steve say Monkey?"

" Uncle Steve told me that a really long time ago, he with this girl and they were gonna have a baby but..." Grace trailed off, unable to keep going.

" But what Monkey?" Urged Danny, desperate to know what his best friend had told his daughter while his heart was pounding like a drum within his chest.

" Uncle Steve's baby died Danno." Said Grace softly, almost in a whisper.

No sooner had these softly spoken words reached Danny's ear, the whole world seemed to come to a screeching halt.

" Oh my God." Swore Danny softly as he closed his eyes and gathered Grace to him in a fierce hug.

Danny just stood there hugging Grace as though his life depended on it, all the while feeling like he was being ripped apart inside as the horrifying tragedy his best friend went through hit him without mercy.

Steve lost his child... _His best friend lost his child_.

" Uncle Steve never got to be like you Danno, and he really wanted to be." Said Grace against Danny's shoulder. " He told me so."

Danny screwed his eyes shut as tight as he could as he felt the searing burn of tears. Blinking rapidly and using sheer will to keep himself from loosing it, Danny spoke.

" Oh Monkey I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."

" Daddy, why're you saying sorry?" Asked a confused Grace. " You didn't do anything, and Uncle Steve kept saying it too even though he didn't do anything wrong either."

" Oh Baby, I'm just sorry that this made you so upset." Explained Danny as he pressed a kiss to Grace's hair. " I think Uncle Steve said sorry because he didn't mean to upset you either Monkey."

Grace nodded against Danny's shoulder in acceptance.

" Did your Uncle Steve tell you anything else Monkey?" Asked Danny a few moments later.

" Yeah." Whispered Grace before she drew back to look Danny in the eye before she continued. " I told Uncle Steve that it wasn't fair, that he should've gotten to be like you Danno."

Danny nodded mutely with a small, sad smile aimed at Grace, all the while feeling his heart swell with pride for his daughter and bleed in despair for Steve at the same time.

Grace took a moment to give Danny a watery smile back before she continued.

" After that Uncle Steve kept telling me that he was okay but I didn't believe him. I knew his heart was broken Danno." She said softly.

Danny nodded mutely and waited for her to go on.

" Uncle Steve fessed up that his heart was broken, and that it still hurt a lot. So I asked him how he was going to fix it cause I wanted to help. Then he told me that I already helped him, but I didn't understand how." Said Grace.

Danny felt a deep warmth spread through him as he thought about Steve, and how despite all the Hell he was going through, the man had still put Grace first.

" Did..." Danny cleared his suddenly too tight throat before he went continued. " Did your Uncle Steve explain to you how you already helped him fix his heart?"

" Uncle Steve told me that I helped him just by being in his life." Answered Grace. " He told me that he never talks to anyone about his baby, and that I'm the first person he's ever told. Uncle Steve said that he felt a whole lot better because he told me about his baby instead of anybody else."

Danny let out a shaky breath and had to look away for a moment as his heart broke all over again for Steve. Once he was sure he wasn't going to lose it, Danny refocused his attention of Grace and spoke.

" What happened after that Monkey?" He asked.

" I just hugged Uncle Steve real hard and I told him that I thought he would've been a great daddy, just like you are Danno." Replied Grace softly.

So much for being sure that he wasn't going to lose it. Danny let out a small, choked off sound before he all but crushed Grace to him.

" Oh Monkey, you're so good." Said Danny against Grace's hair, his tone reverent. " I'm so proud of you."

Grace didn't say anything, although her cheeks turned slightly pink at her father's praise, and simple hugged Danny back hard. The pair just stood there for a while, simple hugging each other. It was Grace who finally spoke.

" Danno?" She asked softly.

" Yeah Monkey?" Replied Danny.

" Are you gonna help Uncle Steve fix his heart too?" Grace asked as she drew back and looked at Danny with large, pleading eyes.

Danny gazed back at his daughter as a wide smile slowly spread across his face despite how his eyes were over-bright with the sheen of unshed tears. Danny took a deep breath to steady his composure somewhat before he answered Grace.

" You better believe it Monkey, or my name ain't Danno."


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own anything Hawaii Five-0, it is all the property of CBS and whoever else owns the rights to the show. I am not making any profits of any kind from this work.

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Chapter 2

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Danny rapidly drummed his thumbs against the steering wheel of his Camaro as he drove down the sun-brightened highway. It was early afternoon over the island of Hawaii, and it had already been a bittersweet morning for the detective from Jersey. Danny's extended weekend had been Heaven on Earth, but like all good things it had to come to an end. Rachel and Stan had returned from their business trip and Danny had dropped Grace off about half an hour ago. Danny had had a surprisingly pleasant meeting with Rachel, where they had agreed on when Danny was supposed to take Grace next. Before he had left, Danny had quietly asked Grace not to say anything yet to her mother about what she and he had found out about Steve just a few days earlier. Grace had agreed and once again made her Danno promise to help her Uncle Steve. Danny had given his Monkey a huge hug and a sloppy kiss on the cheek before he had reluctantly gotten into his car a driven out of Rachel and Stan's posh neighborhood.

Now Danny was on a familiar road, headed towards a different part of the island. There was a certain best friend who lived in a house by the water who Danny desperately wanted to see.

With this in mind, Danny added a little more pressure to the gas pedal as he drove along the smooth Hawaiian highway.

_Meanwhile, at the house that was Danny's intended destination..._

A small gasp shot past Steve's lips as his head broke the calm surface of the clear blue water.

Steve made slow, sweeping motions with his arms as he floated in the water. It was part of Steve's daily routine to go for a swim in the calm waters behind his childhood home. On this particular day, Steve had swum a little bit farther out than he normally did so that he could do a little free-diving. As he lightly tread water, Steve looked across the distance to where his house stood. The past few days had been somewhat trying for Steve. After he had parted ways with Grace and Danny, Steve had felt like he had ripped open a large, gaping hole inside his very soul. Steve had gone upstairs and locked himself inside the bathroom where he had taken a long shower with water that was near scalding hot.

Steve had stayed under the hot spray till his skin was pink and raw. Afterwards he had dried himself off and walked to his bedroom where he laid down flat on his back on the bed and stared at the ceiling. Steve had laid there for hours on end, numb and unmoving, until the sun had actually set and night had fallen over Hawaii. It was only after it had been well into the night that Steve had finally forced himself to move and gotten up. For the rest of the weekend Steve had continued to feel this numbness, this dark something that wanted to drag him under and smother him. For the rest of the weekend, Steve was also on edge about whether or not Danny was suddenly going to barge into his house through the door and try to comfort him. Knowing Grace, without a doubt she had probably told her Danno about what Steve had revealed to her.

Steve had gone on like he normally did, but no matter what, his mind was dominated by the agonizing loss he had suffered more than a decade ago.

With a small sigh, Steve smoothly began swimming back towards the shore. As he swam, Steve's mind began to conjure up memories of the past that Steve did not what to remember. The events that had unfolded while he had been a young Plebe at Annapolis that had ultimately led to the loss of his unborn child. Gritting his teeth, Steve swam faster, his motions becoming hard and fast in accordance with what he was feeling. Once he reached the shallow waters, Steve rose to his feet and lightly trotted the rest of the way out of the water. Once he was on dry land, Steve walked over to one of the beach chairs that stood by the water's edge and picked up the large gray towel he had left there before he had gone into the water for his swim.

Steve walked up the lanai, drying himself off and much as he could with the towel as he made his way to his house. Steve lightly draped the towel over his shoulder as he reached out for the knob of the backdoor and opened it. Once he was inside, Steve made quick work of walking across the first floor of his house to the staircase that led upstairs. Steve made quick work of getting up the stairs and once he was on the second floor he immediately ducked into the bathroom to shower off the salt and sand that clung to his skin.

The shower served to clean the lingering residue of the ocean from Steve's body, but it did nothing to stop the bombardment of memories and all that came with them. Under the cool spray of the shower, Steve felt like his insides were slowly boiling as a long repressed rage suddenly started slowly rising up from the depths of his very soul.

Once he had deemed himself clean, Steve mechanically turned off the water and dried himself off with towels. With a towel wrapped firmly around his waist, Steve stepped out of the bathroom and padded down the hallway to his bedroom. There Steve quickly got dressed in a simple pair of dark brown cargo-shorts and a plain black, V-neck T-shirt. Once that was out of the way, Steve headed back downstairs to the first floor.

Despite all the methods of obtaining calmness that Steve had partaken in, from the long swim to the cool shower, Steve still felt the hot rage coursing through his veins. Outwardly he appeared to be completely fine and calm, but inside Hell was raging. In addition to rage, Steve also felt the itch of restlessness against his skin. Throughout the entire weekend after he had looked after Grace for that afternoon, Steve had been expecting Danny to come bursting through his front door with condolences because Steve knew without a doubt that Grace had told Danny about what Steve had told her. But that was not what had actually happened, Danny had never come barging in and he had simple called Steve every now and then over the last few days and they had just talked like they normally did.

Steve was actually grateful for this because the very last thing he wanted was condolences, especially from his partner.

Condolences meant nothing to Steve, _absolutely nothing_.

Steve stood in the doorway of his kitchen and just looked about the place. Everything was as immaculate as the rest of the house, just the way Steve liked to keep things. In the midst of just taking in his surroundings, Steve's eyes fell on the small cabinet that hung over the sink. If memory served him correctly, Steve remembered that his father always kept a bottle of strong alcohol in that cabinet. As he debated with himself on whether or not to retrieve the bottle, words spoken long ago in the past suddenly echoed through his ears as though they had just been yelled at full volume.

_I never wanted that thing Steve, it was just screwing up our lives anyway so I did us both a favor!_

Steve screwed his eyes as tightly shut as he could in an effort to stomp down this memory of a voice from his past. It served to make up Steve's mind as the Navy Seal all but ran towards the cabinet and ripped the door right off it's hinges. Sure enough there was a half-full bottle of whiskey hidden amongst various jars of cooking ingredients. Steve grabbed the bottle of whiskey from the cabinet and strode through the back door outside to the Lanai, slamming the door with rattling force in his wake.

It was Steve's every intention to numb everything he was feeling, and he knew that the alcohol would surely help him achieve this goal. Just moments after Steve made his exit, his phone, which he had left on the coffee table in the living room began to vibrate indicating an incoming call, but naturally it went unanswered and was forwarded to the messaging system.

_Twenty minutes later..._

The Camaro rumbled low and deep as Danny smoothly pulled into Steve's driveway right behind Steve's large truck. Danny put the Camaro in park and swiftly turned off the ignition before he climbed out of the car. Once he was out Danny stood beside his now dormant car and stared straight ahead at the lovely white beach house that was his best friend and partner's home. The house looked calm and elegant with quiet beauty, but Danny knew that within its walls there was a man whom he cared deeply for, who was in unimaginable pain. As he stood there silently preparing to make his way to Steve's front door, Danny remembered why he was here.

After finding out about Steve's painful truth from the lips of his tearful daughter, Danny had promised Grace that he would do everything in his power to help her Uncle Steve " fix his heart" as she had so eloquently put it. It was remembering his promise and seeing his daughter's face along with that of his partner in his minds eye that finally solidified Danny initially unsure resolve. Taking a deep breath, Danny began walking up the paved pathway that led to the front door of Steve's house.

As he walked, Danny reached into one of the pockets of the jeans he was wearing and pulled out the key Steve had given him. Danny had thought about knocking on the door and waiting for Steve to answer, but something in Danny's gut told him that Steve either wouldn't answer at all, or slam the door in his face the moment he laid eyes on him. Danny felt a nervous jolt lance through his gut as he used the key to open the front door as noiselessly as possible. Danny had already tried calling Steve a little while back, but that had not gone anywhere. Feeling deeply concerned for just what kind of state his best friend was in, Danny quietly made his way further into the house.

" Hey Steve?" Called Danny as he looked around for the Navy Seal. " Hey Steve you here man?"

All Danny received in reply was silence, an eerie silence that made Danny feel really uneasy. Danny knew that Steve was home since his truck was in the drive-way and his phone was there on the coffee table in the living room. Taking a guess that Steve was out back in the lanai, Danny tried to keep himself as normal as possible as he made his way through the kitchen towards the French doors that led to the back of the house.

Danny reached for the knob of one of the doors and pushed the door open. The warm, salt laced air filled Danny's nostrils as he stepped out onto the lanai. Danny's gaze traveled across the immaculately cut grass of the small back lawn, till it finally reached the small, sandy beach that led to the calm blue waters Steve liked to swim in so much. Danny's eyes immediately zeroed in on the two beach chairs that stood a few feet from the water's edge.

One of them was occupied.

Danny resisted the urge to just run across the lawn to get to Steve and instead forced himself to walk at a slow, even pace. Steve for the most part seemed completely oblivious to his presence because all Danny could see of his was the back of his brown-haired head. As he walked across the lanai, Danny silently mulled over in his head just what exactly he was supposed to say. What could he say in all honesty?

Danny walked until he was just a few feet away from Steve's chair when a flat voice suddenly sounded, startling the Hell out of him.

" I know why you're here Danny."

Danny stood frozen where he stood for a moment before he let out a small huff and continued making his way over to the other beach chair.

" Those Ninja senses still appear to be working, I'll say that much." Said Danny with as much normality as he could while he promptly plopped down in the chair next to the one Steve was in. When Danny's eyes finally fell on his friend, he had to bite back a few choice swear-words because the man he was sitting next to did not look at all like the man he knew as his friend and partner.

Steve's usually tanned face was pale and slightly haggard, there was a bottle of whiskey held loosely in one of his hands that was nearly empty, and there was this cold, hard edge to Steve's eyes that Danny had never seen before as the Navy Seal mutely glared at him.

" Even with that being involved." Added Danny as he gestured to the bottle in Steve's hand.

" Grace told you." Said Steve bluntly before he brought the bottle up to his colorless lips and took another long drought of its dark amber contents.

Danny wanted to protest to Steve drinking the stuff, but he wisely kept silent and watched as Steve swallowed down the strong alcohol with barely any expression on his face.

" Yeah Steve." Sighed Danny as he leaned back in the chair. " She started bawling her eyes out once we got back to my place and told me what happened."

Danny watched as the hardness left Steve's face for a moment, replaced by a bone-deep sadness that Danny could not find the proper words to describe it with.

" I'm sorry I made Gracie cry." Said Steve softly. " I never should've told her anything."

" Don't apologize man, especially not about something like this." Countered Danny immediately. "I am so sorry Steve."

Steve stayed silent while a humorless smirk quirked the corner of his mouth for a fleeting instant before his face was once again a pale, devoid mask. Steve was silent for a few long moments before he finally turned and met Danny's concerned blue eyes and spoke.

" What am I supposed to do with '_sorry_' Danny?" He asked flatly.

" Steve man, I just wanna talk that's all." Said Danny as he led his hand out in a placating gesture.

Steve shot to his feet and only wavered on unsteady feet for a moment before he stood to full height and glared down at Danny.

" Well I got nothing to say to you Danny, so just go."

With that Steve turned and started walking back up the lanai towards the house with the whiskey bottle dangling loosely from his fingers as he walked.

Danny watched Steve go with sadness clouding his usually bright eyes, and he let a small sigh escape his lips. Danny knew that when he would see his friend today that things would not be easy, not by a long shot. But he was Danny Williams from New Jersey, there was no way in Hell he was going to let Steve do this to himself, suffer alone like he was. The sadness quickly dissipated from Danny's face and was replaced with a look of grim determination as Danny got up from the beach chair and followed in Steve's wake. Keeping a little distance between them, Danny followed Steve into his house and quietly closed the door behind them. Danny followed Steve as the taller man made his way into the living room and sort of collapsed haphazardly into the nearest couch.

Danny stood in the doorway to the living room and simply stared at Steve for several moments. Tension was radiating off of Steve in palpable waves. Danny knew this for the warning it was, but he would be damned if he let that scare him off. Steadying his resolved, Danny stepped into the living room and quietly made his way over to the sofa next to the couch Steve was sitting in. Danny took his seat and the silence descended. The two men sat in the thick, oppressive silence for what seemed like a lifetime before Danny spoke.

" Talk to me Steve." He said quietly. " Please."

" What do you want me to say Danny?" Steve challenged as he turned and stared at Danny with hard greenish-hazel eyes.

" Tell me what happened." Danny answered quietly.

Steve just sat there for a moment before he shook his head and turned his gaze away.

" Steve, c'mon." Danny pleaded. " Listen to me Steve. I can't imagine what Hell you're going through, but you don't have to go through this by yourself."

" I've been going through it by myself for fifteen years now Danny." Steve said flatly before he turned to give Danny another humorless smirk. " I think I've been managing just fine thanks."

" Well that's not right man." Countered Danny. " It stops now."

Steve just shook his head and snorted softly before he rose to his feet and moved to bring the bottle of whiskey that was still in his hand up to his lips so he could take another swig. Danny was having none of that though and he shot to his feet and yanked the bottle out of Steve's hand. The fact that Danny was able to do this made in clear enough to him that Steve had basically reached inebriation from the strong alcohol he had consumed.

" Give that back Danny." Growled Steve as he held out his hand. " Don't make me say it again."

Danny was not phased by the warning, or the dangerous glint in Steve's eyes as he held the bottle away and had a hand pressed firmly against Steve's chest to keep the other man at bay.

" You've had enough." Replied Danny before he promptly tipped the bottle over in his hand and let the remaining alcohol spill out onto the floor.

" You're such an asshole Williams." Said Steve softly, almost whispering it as he glared at Danny.

" So are you McGarrett, for keeping the fact that you lost a freaking child from me, from all of us." Countered Danny.

" It's none of your business Danny." Growled Steve.

" Y'see that's were you are dead wrong my friend." Danny said as he met Steve's glare head on. " This became my business the moment you told my eight year old daughter, and she cried her eyes out on your behalf and made me promise to help you fix it."

Danny watched as Steve's eye momentarily averted to the floor and his hard expression shifted into one of deep guilt. It made something inside Danny break into a thousand pieces. But all too soon, Steve's eyes were hardening again as his face became a blank mask.

" What exactly do you plan on doing here Danny?" Steve asked flatly. " It's done Danny, it's been done for more than a decade."

" It may have been a decade ago, but look at you Steve." Danny countered as he gestured to Steve. " I can see clear as day how much it is eating you up inside."

Steve looked away and stubbornly stared at a wall, refusing to acknowledge Danny's words.

" Please Steve, just talk to me." Said Danny quietly, almost pleading before he continued. " I'm mean, miscarriages are an unfortunate part of life and-"

Danny never finished his sentence as Steve suddenly started laughing. The sight sent a chill down Danny's spine because the sound that was coming out his friend was not the easy, deep and warm laugh that he had heard on many occasions. No, the sound that was now emanating from Steve's throat was a cold, humorless, jagged sound that Danny prayed he would never hear again for as long as he drew breath.

" Steve?" Danny asked urgently as Steve stepped away from him and just walked aimlessly for a few stepped before he stopped and just stood there chuckling mirthlessly.

Steve had his back to Danny, so the blond could not see Steve's face when the older man spoke.

" Oh Danny, I wish a miscarriage had been the case." He rasped as he stared at the wall he was facing.

" What are you talking about Steve?" Danny asked as he took a few steps towards.

Without turning around to face Danny, Steve began to speak.

" I was a plebe at Annapolis when I met her. Her name was Laura, she was one of the nurses that worked in the infirmary. I got hurt during training one day, and she was the one who treated me. One thing just led to another and we were together, in secret." He said softly before he shook his head. " I can't believe I was so stupid to think that me and her had any kind of a chance."

" Steve-" Danny began to say as he took a small step forward, but Steve held up his hand without turning and effectively silenced him.

" It was about two months later that she pulled me aside and told me that she'd been puking her guts out in the morning for a few days straight. I waited outside the door while she took the test, it came back positive. I'll admit that it scared me six ways to Hell, but I promised her that I would be there for her and the baby. At first things were alright, but Laura started to change after that. I don't know, maybe it was the hormones or something but, I guess she started hating me for what I'd done to her, getting her pregnant I mean. She stopped being the wonderful person I'd first met. I'd keep telling her over and over again that things would be okay, that maybe I'd get my dad to help us out, but she was just so angry with me all the time. It was when she was two months along that me and her had this huge fight."

It was here that Steve paused and let a humorless smirk split his pale face.

" I don't even remember what it was that set us both off. I decided to leave her alone and let her cool off for a little bit. I got caught up in training and classes so it was a few days before I saw her. The moment I saw her, I knew something wasn't right. So I asked her, and she flat out told me that she'd gone to a clinic two days before."

" Oh my God... Steve, are you saying that she-" Danny began to say when Steve once again cut him off.

" Got an abortion?" Said Steve before he finally turned around to face Danny with cold, empty eyes. " Yeah Danny, that's exactly what I'm saying."

Danny stood frozen as he gawked at Steve, horror written into every line of his face. Countless moments passed by with Danny and Steve simple staring across at each other. Steve stared at Danny devoid of any kind of emotion, his face a mask, while everything Danny was feeling was written across his face in capitol letters. It was Danny who spoke first, when the ability to speak returned to him.

" But you... You wanted the baby... You told Grace that-" He began to say when Steve spoke.

" I told Gracie that my baby died, not that his mother decided to get rid of him." Steve said flatly before he looked down for a moment. " Gracie's just a little kid, a sweet kid, I didn't want her to know just yet that moms can do that, just get rid of the babies inside them if they damn well please."

It was here that Steve paused for a moment before he let out a humorless little chuckle.

" I've been calling the baby a him, but the truth is that I have no fucking idea whether the baby was a boy or a girl, Laura did what she sis before the baby could even get to that stage."

Danny felt a loud roaring in his ears, Steve's horrifying revelation leaving him reeling.

" You know I can still hear her voice in my head, even after all these years." Said Steve suddenly. " Her exact words were '_I never wanted that thing Steve, it was just screwing up our lives anyway so I did us both a favor'._ Between you and me Danny, I think she always had it in mind that she wasn't going to keep it, and that the two months were just to indulge me, but I guess the fight we had finally had her making up her mind."

Danny opened his mouth but no sound came out as he stared at Steve with even wider eyes.

" Long story short, I immediately broke up with her and she transferred to some Naval base clear across the Mainland." Said Steve flatly with a shrug.

" Then a few years later, just after I'd finished my SEAL training, I get this letter from her. Laura wrote that she was sorry for what she'd done." Steve snorted. " She actually had the nerve to write that she regretted it."

Here, Steve paused to take a deep breath through his nostrils before he looked Danny right in the eye, despair finally starting to shine through their hazel-green depths as he spoke.

" I had it in mind to just pull out my lighter and burn the damn thing, but then I started reading further." He said softly. " Turns out, she didn't just write to tell me that she was sorry, she also wrote me to tell me that because she had gotten the abortion, there were complications."

" What... What complications Steve?" Asked Danny, the ability to speak finally returned to him.

" The abortion caused her to loose her fertility, she'd never be able to have kids again." Answered Steve.

Danny felt his insides go cold at this, the chill of knowing how Fate can punish someone in the long run. This woman, Laura, had sought to punish Steve by taking his baby from him, but in the process she had doomed herself to a life of childlessness. It nearly made Danny physically ill. But Danny felt only the barest hint of sympathy for this woman who had ripped Steve to pieces, she had made her choice and reaped what she had sowed.

" You'd think I'd feel some sick, twisted satisfaction about it but I didn't Danny." Said Steve quietly as he slowly shook his head. " After I read the letter I tried to contact her, just to make sure that she was alright and all, so I looked up her contact info and called her."

" What happened when you did that Steve?" Asked Danny softly, although there was a nagging in the pit of his stomach that was telling him that Steve was about to make some more horrifying revelations.

Turned out Danny's instincts were spot of with the next words that came forth past Steve's lips.

" When I called, it was Laura's mother who answered. I asked her where Laura was and the poor woman, she... she just started sobbing." Said Steve blankly. " Turns out the note Laura mailed me was her suicide note, she'd taken almost two bottles worth of pain pills. One of Laura's coworkers found her when she didn't show up for work at the base."

Steve fell silent after that and just watched as Danny tried to articulate something, anything, but only succeeded in looking like a fish gasping for its last breaths. Steve shook his head and snorted before he finally spoke, breaking the oppressive silence.

" You wanted to know all the details." He said flatly. " Well that's it. The woman I loved killed our unborn child, and then she killed herself."

Then Steve slowly walked forward till he was arms length away from Danny before he continued.

" So tell me Danny, what the fuck could you possibly say or do that can make any of this alright?" He asked, looking Danny right in the eye with sharp hazel eyes that seemed able to look right into the blond man's soul and sear a hole right through it.

Danny unflinchingly met Steve's intense, harsh gaze. He could see that behind the harshness there was a veiled plea, a silent scream for Danny to actually do something, anything that could help ease the agony. It was all there for Danny to see because Steve didn't know how to day it. Danny understood anyway, he understood and this understanding was the governing force behind the actions he was about to take.

The strong alcohol Steve had been drinking when Danny had first arrived was starting to take hold of the Navy SEAL, otherwise there was no way that Steve would not have deflected when Danny suddenly rushed forward at him with a surprising amount of speed. The next thing Steve knew it was like a steel trap had clamped down around his neck and shoulders. It took Steve a moment to realize that Danny had his arms around him and was holding him in a near crushing embrace.

Danny kept his hold around Steve even as he felt the taller man go rigid in his arms. Danny just instinctively knew not to let go no matter what Steve did. Steve stood like a statue in Danny's hold, all the while everything inside him was screaming. Half of him wanted to shove Danny away and tell him to just get the fuck out of his house, the other half wanted to dissolve into the comfort Danny was offering and shatter, fully shatter like he had never done. Steve decided on the former as he began to struggle against Danny.

" Get off me Danny." Steve hissed as he tried to dislodge Danny's arms from around him.

Under normal circumstances Steve would've had no trouble what so ever in sending Danny flying, but in his current state of emotional turmoil, and the addition of the whiskey he had consumed starting to kick in and dull his senses, Steve's coordination had been reduced several levels.

" Stop fighting me Steve, just stop man." Danny gritted out against Steve's shoulder as he used all his strength to hold onto the other man.

" You better let go of me now man, or I swear to God I'm gonna-ACK!" Steve threat ended in a small cry of shock as he suddenly found himself falling backwards onto the hardwood floor of his living room.

" OOF!" Steve grunted as his back impacted with the hard surface. The Navy SEAL let out another brunt when the not so light form of his partner subsequently fell on top of him, knocking the breath from his chest.

Steve lay there stunned for a moment, but when he caught his breath he looked up into the hard and determined blue eyes of his partner who loomed over him. It only took Steve a few seconds to realize that Danny had somehow swept his legs out from under him and taken him down.

" Where you learn how to do that?" Steve asked, his voice rough and slightly breathless.

" What, you think you're the only one who knows some fancy moves?" Danny countered as he straddled Steve, pinning him in place.

" Get the fuck off of me." Steve growled as he glared up at Danny.

" Na-ah, not until you've calmed the Hell down." Danny declared. " And you can forget about me leaving, cause there is no way in Hell I'm gonna let you stay here all alone, not after everything you just told me."

Steve's eyes hardened and he tried and failed to shake Danny off, a testament to how much whiskey he'd guzzled down.

" Danny please." Steve said softly, feeling something inside him starting to crack and crumble as he stared up at Danny with anguish radiating from his eyes. " Just go."

" No." Danny said softly as he shook his head and gazed down at Steve with pained eyes of his own. " I can't do that Steve, I won't."

" Danny wha-Mmph!" Steve began to ask, but his words were abruptly cut off by Danny leaning down and promptly sealing his mouth over Steve's.

" MMMMMPH!" Steve let out a muffled yell of shock and protest. Out of everything Steve thought would happen, not once did it ever enter his mind that his best friend would pin him to the floor on his own living room and then kiss him like a man starved for air.

Steve writhed beneath Danny, trying his best to dislodge the slighter man, but the way Danny had him pinned, with his knees pressed over Steve's forearms, and the fact that alcohol was slowly numbing Steve's reflexes had Steve at a distinct disadvantage.

Worse still, Steve felt his body starting to respond to Danny's rough ministrations. The part of Steve that yearned for comfort, that wanted the fiery agony his soul was in to be eased immediately soaked up the comfort, however unexpected, that Danny was willingly giving him.

There was nothing gentle in the way Danny was kissing Steve. There was teeth, there was pain, there was force, and above all else there was Danny's relentlessness and intent to quash down Steve's resistance. Steve grunted and let out muffled yells of protest against Danny's lips, but Danny reached up and roughly grabbed the sides of Steve's head to keep him still.

Steve continued to struggle and pull away, all the while feeling his resistance crumble under what he had to admit was a mind-blowing sensation. Steve had been vaguely aware that Danny's mouth was good for more that just talking, but he never thought that he would actually know this first hand. Steve managed to twist one of his arms free from under Danny's knee and immediately reached up to grab one of Danny's shoulder. Danny increased the pressure he had over Steve's mouth, all the while feeling Steve's fingertips digging painfully into the back of his shoulder. Steve's other hand, the one still pinned under Danny's other knee, clawed ineffectively at the hardwood floor.

After what seemed like a life age of the Earth, Steve finally felt the last vestiges of his resistance shatter into a million pieces. Danny for his part, felt relief and triumph as Steve's entire body seemed to sigh beneath him. Danny was thankful when Steve's painful grip on his shoulder finally eased. It was now that Danny finally forced himself to break away, his lungs burning from the lack of sufficient oxygen.

Danny and Steve broke apart with a loud gasp, but Danny immediately leaned back in close and roughly pressed his forehead to Steve's. Both men were breathing hard, trying to catch their breath while they stared at each other at such close proximity.

Steve stared up at Danny with wide hazel green eyes, his pupils blown and his lips raw and rapidly bruising. Danny stared back, all the while breathing hard, and feeling Steve's breath against his own reddened and glistening lips. Danny closed his eye for a moment as he felt a deep shudder wrack up his spine, but he quickly opened his eyes when he felt something warm and wet against his thumb. He looked down at Steve and felt his heart freeze cold within his chest at what he saw.

Steve entire face was a look of numb shock, but with a solitary tear leaking out the corner of his eye as he stared unblinking back at Danny.

For several long moments, the pair just stayed that way, staring at one another and breathing, just breathing. It was Danny who moved first as he let out a shaky exhale and gently wiped at the tear that had escaped past Steve's eye with his thumb.

" S-Steve I- whoa." Danny began to whisper, but it ended in a soft gasp of surprise as the blond suddenly felt a strong pull on his light grey button-up shirt that had him going sideways.

Next thing he knew, Danny found himself flat on his back, pinned to the floor with Steve now looming over him. Danny still held Steve's face between his hand, and they were both still breathing hard. Danny looked up at Steve and saw the over-bright sheen to the man's hazel green eyes.

Danny waited with bated breath, expecting in all honesty for Steve to kill him now for what he'd just done. So when Steve suddenly reached down and gently cupped his cheek instead of snapping his neck, Danny felt a jolt of deep relief for a split second before he realized what Steve was doing.

" Danno." Steve whispered softly before he promptly leaned down and sealed his bruising lips over Danny's.

Danny immediately responded, pouring as much as he could into the kiss as he wrapped his arms around Steve and pulled him all the way down.

After that, the world outside seemed to fade completely away for the two men laying on the living room floor of a white house by the ocean side. The world faded away for these two men, and there was only the sinking into a deep abyss where pain was temporarily forgotten, and raw passion raged like a wild fire consuming everything in its path.

For these two men, there was only the catharsis of coming together for the first time.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I do not own anything Hawaii Five-0, it is all the property of CBS and whoever else owns the rights to the show. I am not making any profits of any kind from this work.

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Chapter 3

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A light shower had started over O'ahu. The once bright and cloudless skies had filled with light gray clouds that were now unleashing their bounty of replenishing rain over the island. The rain lightly drummed against the bedroom window, the only noise in an otherwise almost deathly silent bedroom. Two sets of clothing lay strewn haphazardly by the foot of the bed. A dark T-shirt and dark green cargo shorts mingled with a light gray button-up shirt and dark blue jeans. These articles of clothing had long been forgotten by their respective owners several hours earlier when they had first stumbled into the room. Before, the bedroom had been filled with the desperate noises of fiery passion, but now there was only the sound of light raindrops against the glass panes of the bedroom windows.

A soft sigh escaped past Danny's lips as he lay on his side with the white linen bedsheets draped low over his hip and gazed at the sleeping face of his partner, best friend, and as of today, unexpected lover. Though he was sleeping, Steve's countenance was anything but peaceful. Steve's face was pale, and there were dark circles under his eyes that looked more like bruises. He looked haggard and worn out, and the fact that he was sleeping did absolutely nothing to improve his unhealthy appearance.

Danny frowned in unhappiness as he continued to gaze at Steve. The detective from Jersey had a feeling that the only reason his partner was laying across from him asleep was because of the copious amounts of he had guzzled down and what had happened between then today had wiped out whatever reserves of energy Steve had been using to function with. Danny had a sinking suspicion that right now was probably the most sleep Steve had gotten in _days_. The very thought had Danny wondering yet again just what kind of Hell Steve had gone through over the last few days, that he was still going through now.

Danny let out another sigh as his eyes silently racked over Steve's sleeping form. Steve's lips were reddened and light bruised from all of the desperate kisses they had shared. More bruises littered the man's neck and shoulders, and Danny felt a twinge of guilt go through him because he had been the one to put them there over Steve's skin. Danny felt the heat of slight embarrassment at his own overzealous participation in what had transpired between them. Danny could feel the remnants of Steve's attention on his own skin and it had the corner of his lip quirking upwards for a moment before his face once again grew serious.

What the Hell had happened? When Danny had come to Steve's house wanting to talk to his friend and ease the agony he was in, he had never thought that this would be where they would end up, laying in Steve's bed spent, in so many ways that just one. Danny was surprised by how calm he was as he lay there next to Steve. Danny was sure that any other day, if it had been with some other guy, he would have gone off the rails and freaked out to epic proportions. But this was Steve he was with, and for some reason Danny just didn't feel ashamed or disgusted by this. Danny did feel very unsure as to what would happen now though. Boundaries had been broken, and he and Steve's relationship was no longer the same as it was before today.

Danny considered Steve to be his best friend, and now that the euphoria had faded, Danny felt anxiety starting to course through his veins as he wondered how Steve was going to react when he woke up. Seeing as to how Steve was a highly trained Navy SEAL, Danny wondered if he had reason to fear for his very life. Danny knew that he was probably blowing things out of proportion in his mind about how Steve was going to react when he woke up, but knowing Steve the scenario was a possibility.

Danny quickly shook his head of these depressing thought and instead gathered his nerve for what he intended to do next. Taking in a deep breath, Danny slowly raised his hand and reached out towards a sleeping Steve. Not wanting to experience the Navy SEAL's ninja like reflexes like he had that day they had first met, Danny kept his movement slow but steady. Danny unconsciously held his breathe and he lightly rested his hand over the side of Steve's neck.

Danny felt a small surge of relief when his touch did not serve to rouse Steve from his slumber. Feeling somewhat emboldened, Danny curved his hand slightly and minutely exerted a little more pressure against Steve's neck. Danny's expression turned into one of sadness at he lightly grazed the pad of his thumb across the soft skin just below the hinge of Steve's jaw. Danny let out a shaky breath as he felt the back of his eyes start to burn, the fresh, nightmarish memories of what Steve had revealed to him today assaulting him like a raging flood. Danny couldn't begin to understand just what kind of agony Steve was in, and the very thought what it would have been like if something like this had happened between him and Rachel when they'd found out they were having Grace made Danny's stomach roll.

Though he didn't really regret what had happened between him and Steve, Danny did understand that it had not been the best course of action in helping Steve either.

Danny let out a light huff and quickly shook himself of his thoughts. The right way to act and help Steve could come later, when the man was actually awake. For now Danny thought it best to bask in the calm before the possible storm that might erupt when Steve did wake up and realize what had happened between them.

With this in mind, Danny let out a deep breath and let his eyes fall shut. Within moments he was drifting off and joining Steve in sleep with his hand still resting over the side of the other man's neck.

_About and hour and a half later..._

Hazel-green eyes slowly fluttered open and blinked as Steve McGarrett returned to consciousness with a low groan. As he blinked the bleariness from his eyes, Steve winced as a dull twinge of pain bounced through his skull. When his vision cleared, the first thing the came into view was the bedroom ceiling painted a light orange hue from the even sun slowly descending toward the horizon, signalling the incoming end of the day. The light rain had rapidly cleared up, leaving only clear skies in its wake.

Steve blinked his eyes with deliberate slowness as he regained his bearings. He was in his bedroom, laying on his back on his bed, and it was evening. At first the day was a bit of a blur, but then the memories of what had happened soon came flooding back.

He had been completely and totally miserable for days, and after his swim today he had gone off the rails and started polishing off his father's old bottle of whiskey. Steve would have gladly just spend the whole day drinking the whiskey, but then Danny had showed up and...

Steve's eyes grew wide, almost to the size of dinner plates as the memories of what had happened between them soon flooded his mind. Steve was about to lose it, like go off the wall crazy lose it, but then he felt this warmth against his collarbone. Confused, Steve craned his neck so that he could look down as much as he could at his own chest. Steve felt his heart slam to a dead stop inside his chest when it dawned on him that there was a hand resting over his collarbone. Naturally, this hand was attached to something or rather someone. Steve's hazel-green eyes slowly traveled from what he could see of the hand, to the tan, defined arm it was attached to, and finally come to rest on the person the entire appendage belonged to.

Steve let out a shaky breath as he stared at the sleeping face of his partner and best friend. It was confirmation beyond a doubt that what had happened today had not been some alcohol induced hallucination. This was real, he and Danny were actually laying in his bed together stark naked and sporting the aches and pains that came with the near violent intimacy they had partaken in together.

_" Oh my God."_ Thought Steve as he gazed at the sleeping face of his partner and best friend.

Though he was laying perfectly still outwardly, inwardly Steve McGarrett was honest to God freaking out in a very un-SEAL-like manner. Naturally who would not feel this way given the situation? However, unlike most others, Steve did not go flying out of bed screaming bloody murder at the top of his lungs. Instead Steve forced himself to gradually calm down somewhat while he continued to gaze at Danny.

Danny looked almost serene, if a little worn out himself. Steve's eyes traveled from Danny's face to his neck, where they stopped at a rather prominent dark purple bruise over the place where Danny's pulse was. It was one of many in fact. Steve felt his lips twitch for a moment despite himself as he realized that he had left all of these bruises, frigging hickeys, all over his partner's neck.

The humor was short-lived though as Steve continued his visual assessment of his partner's sleeping form. Danny's neck was to the only part of him that bore the marks of what had transpired between them. The blond's chest was littered with more suction bruises and what Steve realized were a few bite marks here and there as well. Steve blinked owlishly as he felt like his entire body was under this phantom, crushing weight. Breathing was fast becoming very difficult to do. Steve's instincts were screaming at him to yell, kick, or just do something, anything, but it was like Steve's mind and body were no longer connected. For Steve it was like he body had suddenly turned to lead.

Several agonizingly slow moments passed with Steve caught in this silent sort of limbo. Then using sheer will alone, Steve seemed to finally break through the paralysis. With as much gentleness and care as he could manage, Steve slowly reached up and wrapped his fingers around the wrist of the hand Danny had resting over his collarbone. Steve gently lifted the appendage away, immediately feeling the loss of its warmth from his skin. Steve gently maneuvered himself so that he could gently set Danny's hand down of the mattress and smoothly get up form the bed himself.

Steve was infinitely glad that Danny had remained asleep throughout this whole, delicate operation. Steve stood by the side of the bed and looked down at his bed's still sleeping occupant. A plethora of emotions to numerous to name flooded Steve as he gazed at Danny. Then Steve noticed that the bedsheets had ridden down dangerously low from Danny's waist. Without thinking, Steve reached down and gripped the hem of the sheets with his fingers and pulled them up in one smooth motion, covering Danny up.

Steve drew back quickly though after he'd done this. The was act too new, too intimate for Steve to deal with objectively. With a final, lingering look at his sleeping partner, Steve turned and walked out of the room as quickly as he could without making too much noise. He felt only the slightest twinge of embarrassment over the fact that he was nude as the day he was born while he did this. Steve headed straight for the bathroom down the hall, a shower was most definitely in order. Steve was so focused on making a hasty exit, that he failed to see the half-open blue eyes that watched him as he walked, until he had stepped through the door to the bathroom and shut it behind him.

Once he was inside the bathroom, Steve stood before the mirror that hung over the sink. As he gazed at his own reflection, Steve discovered that Danny could give just as good as he got if the bruises and bite marks that littered Steve's own neck and chest were anything to go on. As he stood there, more memories flooded Steve's mind. He remembered the way it had felt with Danny, the pure ecstasy of it. Steve remembered everything from Danny's teeth against his skin, how Danny's lips had felt against his own, to how the slighter man's hands had been molten hot over his skin. Steve could have lost himself in the memories, but he abruptly snapped back to the present as he felt his stomach do a violent roll.

Steve knew that this was not out of disgust over the fact that he had somehow ended up sleeping with his very male best friend, in all honesty Steve didn't really have a clear sense of what to feel about that really. No, the reason Steve's stomach was now violent churning and wrenching was all the whiskey he had consumed prior to Danny's arrival. Steve had barely eaten anything today to begin with, and a more or less empty stomach and the consumption of so much strong liquor was proving to be a combination that Steve's stomach was violently opposed to.

With a small groan Steve all but lunged for the toilet, falling to his knees and bowing over the toilet bowl just as his stomach violently released its contents.

Steve regurgitated up the rancid mix of whiskey and bile until there was nothing left to come out. Steve dry heaved a couple of timed before he let out another groan and blindly reached out to flush the toilet and get rid of its nasty contents. Steve let out another soft groan and just stayed where he knelt. Steve was so out of it that he nearly jumped out of his skin when he felt a warm, familiar hand gently rest over his hunched shoulder. Steve looked up and found himself staring at the concerned face of his Williams stood over his kneeling partner with one of Steve's bedsheets wrapped firmly around his waist. Had Steve's head not been killing him at the moment, he would've found Danny's modesty almost laugh-out-loud worthy.

" Are you alright Steve?" Danny asked as he silently assessed his partner.

Steve blinked owlishly at Danny before he took a deep breath and spoke.

" Don't you think that's kinda a loaded question Danno?"

" I know that, believe me I know, but I'm asking you anyway." Danny said with a light shrug and a small, warm smile directed Steve's way.

Steve felt the corner of his own mouth quirk up in a half-smile despite himself as he pushed himself up onto his feet, swaying only for a split second. Steve and Danny stood facing each other with neither man saying a word for the longest time before Danny finally spoke.

" Will it weird you out if we shower together?" He asked, with the barest hint of a challenge in his tone. It was Steve's silent way of masking how nervous and unsure he actually was feeling at the moment.

Steve blinked for a moment at the question, feeling stunned for only a moment before Danny's tone registered to him. Astonishment quickly fled, replaced with a sort of stubborn determination mixed with a slight eagerness that was completely new to Steve.

" Danny, after everything that's happened between us today, a shower not only doesn't weird me out, it actually sounds almost heavenly." Steve smirked.

" So why don't you lose the skirt?" Steve challenged back.

Danny sputtered in surprise at Steve unexpected cheekiness, but it ended with a breathless laugh before he rose to the challenge Steve had set forth and lost the 'skirt' as Steve called it.

_About half an hour later..._

Steve and Danny, both freshly showered and dressed, came down the main staircase of Steve's house. Both men had tried to out up the bravado of being non-chalant about the whole shower thing. It wasn't like either of them had never showered in the presence of other males in their whole lives before. But then again, neither of them had gone so far as to sleep with any of those males before the shower either. As far as experiences went, Steve had to admit that it had not been the most awkward incident he had ever had to live through, nor had it been the most unpleasant thing either.

In all honesty, the best way to describe how Steve was feeling was confused, completely and totally confused. Danny himself was fairing no better that Steve was about the whole thing. He knew that he was probably going to go and have a massive freak-out later, perhaps in the privacy of his tiny apartment, but at the moment Danny focused was honed in on getting some food into his partner who had just about vomited his insides up not even an hour earlier.

When the pair reached the first floor of Steve's home, Danny reached out and gently grasped one of Steve's wrists, bringing the Navy SEAL to a halt. Steve slowly turned and silently eyes his partner, a question conveyed in his gaze.

" You go outside and get some fresh air. I'll make of something to eat." Danny said quietly as he met Steve's gaze head on.

Steve looked like he was about to voice a protest, but aborted the act. Instead, Steve wordlessly nodded before he gently pulled his hand out of Danny's grip and started walking down the hallway that led to the back door. Danny watched Steve until the man disappeared through the back door. Dany felt a small thrill when he noticed that Steve had left the back door open, maybe a symbolic gesture or just Steve being too drained to care, Danny didn't know but he was gonna take anything Steve was willing to give. Danny lightly trotted towards the kitchen with the intent of raiding Steve's fridge and pantry to whip up a serviceable dinner for them both.

Outside, Steve made his way over to the small patio set that stood by the large grill. Steve all but collapsed into one of the chairs and breathed deep. The warm, salt-laced air gave Steve some mild comfort but he was still feeling chaos inside. This was perhaps one of the few times in his life that Steve was honest to God nervous and unsure as to how he should proceed. He had slept with his best friend, his male best friend, and if he were completely honest with himself, it hadn't been a bad experience. It had been a welcome reprieve from the despair and the emptiness he had been feeling all weekend after what he had revealed to Grace about his past. Being with Danny had made something that had been dead inside him suddenly come back to life. But now that the euphoria and the haze of alcohol had faded, reality was sinking in.

What would happen now, there was no going back to the way things were before today, when they had just been best friends. Now they had slept together, they could never go back to being just friends because what had happened today was not something that could ever be erased or easily forgotten.

Steve was so lost in his thoughts, that he didn't notice Danny coming out of the house carrying a tray. Danny caught sight of Steve sitting at the table looking lost in every sense of the word. Feeling a small twinge at the sight, Danny slowly made his way over to Steve, coming to stop a few feet away before he made his presence known.

" Steve?" Danny called softly.

Steve startled lightly before he looked up to see Danny standing a few feet before him with a tray in his hand. On the tray were two plates with what Steve guessed were some simple tunafish sandwiches and two glasses of the cranberry juice he had bought a few days ago.

Steve and Danny eyed each other for several long moments before Steve made a valiant attempt at a smile. It fell sort of flat but Danny returned it as best he could before he stepped forward.

" Hope you don't mind tuna, it was the first thing that caught my eye." Danny explained as he set the tray down and picked up one of the plates, setting it down in front of Steve.

" I don't mind at all Danny." Steve said quickly without really meeting Danny's gaze. " Thank you."

" Don't mention it." Danny said and he set a glass of juice down next to the plate.

" I take it I can't switch out the juice for a beer." Steve stated.

" You my friend, have had enough alcohol today, hell you've had enough for a good long while in my opinion." Danny quipped as he took a seat across from Steve and took the remaining sandwich and juice for himself.

Steve's lips quirked up, and to Danny it was like Steve was his old self again, if only for a moment. The almost smile left Steve's face far too quickly for Danny's liking. The two set about eating their sandwiches in silence after that, with only the sounds of the calm ocean just a few feet away.

Although there may as well have been a giant, pink polka-dotted elephant sitting right there at the table with them.

It was like the calm before the proverbial storm that was not to far off in the distance and slowly edging closer to the shore.


End file.
